Recently, I am trying to find God in my quiet moment. Remembering Ate and Ethan. They were siblings, my former students who went back to Philippines to continue their studies there.
They've been with us for three years and we already created wonderful memories together.
Ethan came first, when me and a friend of mine plan to start a homeschool program, since I am already doing it for quite sometimes with my own kids.
Some few people ask us if we can start for their children, since conventional schooling was a bit expensive here in Malaysia for Filipinos like us.
When Ethan came, I am trying to question my worth as an individual or let me say my worth as a teacher because those people who claim that they are my friends started to question my potential and started telling us it is impossible to start a homeschool center.
Actually, I have a degree in education but I didn't practice teaching during my professional days for some reasons. Until I lost interest and let me say some knowledge as well.
I practice librarianship, it's more easier than teaching, no critics for wrong grammar, not so many paper to check and no classroom discussion, and also I am not so good in training children inside classroom, just by thinking it, I feel exhausted.
So when Ethan came, my confidence was deteriorating, the fact that I am a strong willed person, I told myself that, Yes maybe I still need a lot of things to prove before I can consider myself as a teacher.
Although I know God wanted to tell me something. Because on that day when Ethan came, God show me this by means of FB post. I will never forget that day because I was really on my lower point at that time.
Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. -- Isaiah 43:4
My self-worth was so low because a lot of unexpected things happened before they came. Some unhappy experiences that sometimes I question God how he love me beyond measure, I didn't question my faith and God's loyalty to me, because with all the things I've been thru and with all the failure I had, God's grace never fail to amaze me.
But I didn't realize that God was trying to test my loyalty and faithfulness to him. That before He can show me my worthiness, I should first know how worthy I am to myself and to him.
He is already loyal and faithful to me, the only problem is me. That is why He gave me sign just to prove that I am wrong and He is right and this is not the first time.
God always shows to me so many times already, matigas lang ulo ko at bumabalik balik ako sa dati (same old kind of people and circumstances).
Actually the reason why I didn't pursue teaching eventhough I finish a degree in education is that, for me, my degree, my diploma, my seminars, my CPE units are not enough to practice the profession.
It's not enough to influence children by having all those kinds of credentials. I am scared of what kind of influence I can make to every child or students that I will encounter in my lifetime.
Though from the moment I home-school my children, I started to gain confidence but not with other children, not until God sent Ethan and Ate Danna.
Ate came the following year, when I am about to give up Ethan, since most of my plan didn't happen.
Seriously I pray hard to God to please show me the right people and circumstances.
God is always true to his promises something happened and everything change. He made me realize that I cannot go back where I am before.
This small voice telling me, you've been there so don't try to go back. People will judge you anyway no matter what.
Sometimes we have to go through all of the things so we'll know what are our priorities and know where is our true loyalty, is it with God or with the people around us?
Is it really God that we really wanted to please or the people around us?
Now that Ate and Ethan are not with us anymore, I've learned so much from them. I know that deep in my heart I did my best regardless of what other people say.
Deep in my heart I know I did my best to give this two children the foundation that they need during the time when they have no place to go.
But they also taught me lesson that I thought I will be the one teaching.
And recently I receive a message from their mother, telling me that Ethan and Ate already accepted in the school where they enroll.
Ethan is eight years old but already in Grade 4 after they receive the result of his entrance examination. While Ate is in Grade 8.
Hoping that the values they've learned from me will bring them further in life.
Now I know why God led me and my family to this homeschooling path. Everyone has a different journey in life.
It doesn’t matter if he calls you to home-school or calls you to be a public school teacher, or simply calls you as a Mother, as long as you are seeking His will for your life, you’re doing right.
I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. -- John 17:4